So the story goes.

The next chapter of this pony ride has begun.

Monday I got my port. I was not too nervous that day. I think I was still swimming in the sea of denial. When we arrived at the radiology clinic we were greeted by the most lovely nurses. They took me back to get ready and soon brought Jenn back for a quick hello. Then I was wheeled into the room where the procedure would take place. My friends husband whom I had not met before stopped by to say hello to me. She texted him a reminder that morning. It was very nice to have someone check in on me even if I had never met them before. Later after chatting with the nurse and the tech we realized the nurses husband works with my wife and the tech and I had a friend in common. It was a definite small world moment. All the little familiarities and kindnesses helped ward off my nerves. When they dropped the paper sheet over my should and head I was still feeling ok but I noticed the feelings creep up.

When scheduling this appointment the receptionist made my appointment with sedative. The next time they called to speak to me of this appointment they gave me a choice of no sedative and gave good reason why not to have it. Then at my oncologist visit last week he was adamant that I should do it with sedative. So we changes the appointment to with the sedative. In that moment feels we’re creeping up I remember being very thankful for the “glass of wine” as the nurse referred to it.

The port was sore and achy that evening but nothing too terrible. I was again thankful for my vagina pillow as I could not lay on my side. Even my lady figured out how to snuggle up with me and the pillow.

Tuesday was chemo day! Jenn and I had a lovely morning having our coffee on the front porch watching the rain water our plant. We were hoping to take a walk before we headed to the hospital. The rain ceased just in time for us to take a quick walk before our 9:30am appointment. While on the walk my right upper chest just above my port stated to have intermittent sharp pain. I held my hand over my port wondering what was causing it. Was it my blood pumping, my arm moving, or what? I slowed down my pace and the pain eased off. All of a sudden I look over at Jenn as she is walking and her breasts were bouncing. All of a sudden it hit me that my boob was tugging on my fascia as I walked. I told Jenn about it and she suggested we sling my boob like its a sprained arm. Then we couldn’t stop giggling about me having a sprained boob.

We cut it a little close getting back from our walk at 9:22. We threw our stuff in a couple of bags and dashed off to the hospital. We decided to take some of the items that had been gifted to me and have them at my first chemo infusion. Wonder Woman t-shirt, handmade prayer shawl, a witches hat and gloves, a super amazing fuzzy llama blanket and f*ck cancer socks. This was the product.

The infusion was not what I expected. It was really hard and it was a lot for Jenn too. I don’t feel like rehashing it in my head again, not quite yet so here is my Facebook post about my first chemo day.

When I got home I was starting to feel better and that lasted through the night and through today, Wednesday. I feel like I front loaded all the crappiness at the chemo clinic.

One thing I have had to manage is the neuropathy. It is crazy. I thought it would just be cold that stimulated it but it’s not just cold but cool even mildly cool. If you touch your metal sink handle right now that is the temperature that would cause me to get the tingles in my hand. I get up a few times a night to empty my ostomy bag and with that comes hand washing. Every time I would either touch the handle without a washcloth as a barrier or I would stick my hands in the water without warming it up yet. And when I walked from our bedroom into the kitchen this morning the metal threshold caused the bottom of my foot to tingle. So I put on my slippers and found myself a pair of gloves to wear.

My hands got cold at one point and the tingling would not stop and was getting more intense so I busted out the heating pad which really helped.

A surprising tingle spot is at the back of my throat. If I drink anything not warmed I get a flash tingle. Even room temp water I now swish around in my mouth for a few seconds before I swallow.

Today was an interesting practice of how to navigate my own home of what I can touch and how the world around me interacts with me. Jenn says this is the ultimate test of mindfulness. I liked that take on it. It taps into my Buddhist practice. I can be a bit distractible at times so this is kind of holding me to mentally slow down.

I am back at the infusion clinic for IV fluids just in case because 1) yesterday was so crappy 2) I have an ostomy bag so I am prone to dehydration and 3) fluids are good for health.

All in all, a bit of crap and few hurdles to make the day interesting and I am in great spirits. I am doing spectacular with much help from my amazing sidekick and love of my life.


  1. You’ve got this! All of the love in your family will ease your way through the tingles and oofs and everything else! Lots of love to you and yours! ❤


  2. there is a button on your phone to switch off the buzzing when you write or dial. A friend of mine did that and it helped her a lot. she could not stand the buzzing when she was on the phone.


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