This Friday January 10th, which is also the full wolf moon eclipse, I will be getting a hysterectomy. I was blessed with the awareness of my last period over the Christmas break. There was a gift of sacredness to those days that I could say goodbye to an era of my life.
A 4-5 inch mass was found in my pelvis that was not there in June. I have grown, what I have come to refer to as, a baby squirrel. His name is Cameron. He has continued to grow a bit since they found him. He is getting evicted on Friday along with my lady parts.
We don’t know what it is or what it means. I have been taking the approach of “it’s not good, it’s not bad. it just is”.
The Universe has a funny way of balancing the scales. Around the same time that I learned about Cameron and my need for surgery, I was also offered my first salaried job ever stepping in as interim Executive Director of the Michigan Prison Doula Initiative. I could not be more honored or excited. Honestly it was within a week that all of this went down. I can only giggle a bit at all of this.
I plan to work through whatever comes our way. I am feeling very fine and healthy. I am hoping it is just surgery and its immediate recovery. Anything beyond that …. we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
For today, I am in good spirits. We are doing well as a family. Jenn and I have an amazing councelor to help us navigate these waters that are bringing up feelings and fear, many from our experience with the first surgery.
I don’t have a lot to say. I feel quiet. I feel like holding space for my body, for what it is letting go of. I am trying to focus on sending peace and love to my family with a compassionate heart because there are some other big things happening around us.
It is all an opportunity to experience a different aspect of the human condition and seek the gifts that it has to offer. Where are the gifts? Even in difficult times. looking for the gifts can get blurred with anger, fear, saddness. Breathe. Slow the mind. What is the gift in this exact moment? To not be a victim of an experience but rather an observer. This is not universal but mostly it works. What is the gift? Today was a gift.