Today is the three year anniversary of the day I went into the hospital.
That led to my advanced stage 3 cancer diagnosis.
Today, I have had scratchy feelings that I could not identify.
I was projecting onto things around me.
Seeking a source for my discomfort.
Thankfully the veil of illusion lifted for a moment
for me to see through my mirage of comfortable discomfort
to see the open dry desert
of real uncomfortable feelings I have been avoiding.
Three years ago my life pivoted into a fast spiral
of physical chaos,
and basic survival.
Although we are through with that season of our lives,
there is an echo that pulses in the background,
fading but still present.
A low bell,
in the distance.
So low I can hardly hear it
but I can feel it,
deep into my bones.
My mind tells me it is such a waste of life
to sit here weeping over the past.
But something needs to be felt
and it is making itself known.
Flow through me please.
I don’t want to carry you anymore.